Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
One father is more than a hundred Schoolemasters. ~George Herbert, Outlandish Proverbs, 1640
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. ~Robert Frost
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
I'm sixty years of age. That's 16 Celsius. ~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997
Youth is a disease from which we all recover. ~Dorothy Fulheim
Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge. ~Phyllis Diller
Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair. ~Sam Ewing
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni
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